descent into madness
by zombies.eat.love
Summary: Bellatrix's journal starting when she was 8.


**Prompt: Write about a mother teaching/encouraging her child to be cruel.**

 **Word Count: 2258**

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday! I just turned 8. I told mum and daddy that I wanted a pony for my party, and they said no! They said it was time for me to have more grown-up parties. I don't wanna be a boring grown-up!

Mum told me that it's time for me to learn more stuff. I don't think I need to learn anything else. I already know how to read and write! What else do I need except magic?

Anyways, its bed time. I'll write in you later, Diary!

Until next time,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

Today was not a good day. It was quite horrible actually. Mum said it was time for me to learn things about our world. She told me how we have to always keep our blood pure by never marrying a muggle, a muggle born, a half-blood, or a blood traitor (cause they're just as bad as 'mudbloods').

She also told me about mudbloods, which is just a mean word to call a muggle born. I don't understand why we have to hate people because they were born to certain parents. I said this to mum and she got really REALLY mad at me. She used that pain curse on me. It felt like I was under it for hours! Everything hurts now and my head feels all fuzzy. Daddy saved me from the curse. He told mum to stop before she killed me. But mum just said that I needed to learn my place in society as a Pure Blooded girl.

If being hateful and hurting people is what makes me a good pureblood, I don't want to be…

Until next time, Diary,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLKASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

It's been a while, hasn't it? I just turned 9. The past year has been horrible. Mother has taken to 'teaching' me things everyday. I am expected to be brutal and cold. I don't want to be! I just wanna be a kid! But I'm not allowed to anymore. I am expected to sit with the adults and listen to all of their talk. I have to know all of the politicians and know what their platforms are. I am to know who is a filthy mudblood, a dirty half-blood, and every blood traitor. With the knowledge of who these people are, I am to belittle them. I am to tease them and deride their every movement.

Luckily, Mother hasn't banned my dearest friend, Molly. But that is because she doesn't know that Molly is a blood traitor. She doesn't believe in the pureblood propaganda, which in mother's eyes makes her a blood traitor. Luckily, mother doesn't know that I, too, am a blood traitor. I don't believe a word she drills into my head daily. I am terrified of the day she finds out, for that will be the day I die.

Until later, dearest Diary,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

Once again, it has been ages since I wrote. I seem to turn to you when I have nowhere else to turn. When I need to explain myself. When I start to hate myself for the things I have to do. Mother took me on a trip today. We went to this little muggle village. Mother then handed me her wand and told me to find a muggle to practice with.

I was confused, muggles don't have magic, how was I to practice magic with them. Oh how I wish I could be that naive all the time. How I wish I could go back to before that moment and find a way to not have to go with mother..

We found a muggle girl about my age and had her come with us to a secluded area. Thats when mother told me what I was to be practicing that day.

She taught me the wand movement and the incantation.

I am terrified to even write the words, Diary, I am scared that even you will judge me. But I must get this out, or else it will eat me alive.

Mother taught me how to Crucio that poor girl. And I am aghast to say that it felt good. It felt good to see her squirm and scream under my wand. But only because I was imagining mother under the wand. Once I realized what I was doing I was ill. I vomited all over my cloak and fell to the ground crying.

Mother grabbed my arm and pulled me up. She proceeded to slap me, and tell me how useless I am. How I will never make her or daddy proud. I couldn't stop crying. All I could think of was that poor muggle girl screaming in pain, not understanding why a stick was hurting her. Mother decided that slapping and yelling at me wasn't the answer. The answer was to crucio me. It lasted for 10 minutes. I have gotten quite good at figuring out how long I am under the curse. It's always long enough to leave me twitching, but never long enough to make me completely lose my mind.

On another note, I leave for Hogwarts tomorrow. I have mixed feelings. I am glad that I will be away from mother's watchful eye, but I am terrified of what she's going to start doing to Andi and Sissy while I'm away. I am also terrified that Molly is going to realize how horrible of a person I am and she won't want to be my friend anymore.

Please, Diary, don't judge me to harshly. Understand that I am just a flawed human.

Until next time,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

Starting Hogwarts has been horrible. I wish I were in a different house. Slytherin is full of people like my mother. They hate everyone and are all bigots.

Mother told me that if I were placed in any house other than Slytherin I would be severely punished when I got home. So when the Sorting hat was about to put me in Gryffindor I panicked. I begged and pleaded to be placed in Slytherin, even though every fibre of my being wanted to go to the house of the lions, I doomed myself to hell in a pit of vipers. Now I am stuck with a bunch of bigots.

I watched with jealousy as Molly was sorted into gryffindor. I hoped beyond hope that maybe she would be with me in slytherin, but alas, it was not to be. And so now I am expected to cut all ties with her because 'all Gryffindor's are blood-traitors'. I have lost my closest friend, and been stuck in Hell in one day.

Until next time,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

It is as I feared. Without Molly, and with three years in the Slytherin common room, I have become as bigoted as the rest of the baby death eaters. There are moments, like now, that I feel like the girl I was all those years ago, but then something snaps in my head and I turn into a monster. There is a voice in my head that sounds oddly like my mother. It tells me to be cruel to everyone. It tells me to hate. It tells me how I am better than all of these filthy mudbloods. They need to learn their place; underneath those of us who have pureblood running through our veins.

Andi has come to Hogwarts this year. Mother left her and Sissy alone for the most part. They know what is expected of them, but they never went through what I did.

The baby death eaters are those of us who are expected to follow in our parents footsteps and join the Dark Lord. we don't get a meeting with him until our 15th birthdays, but from what the others have said, he sounds amazingly gorgeous, and sickenly wicked. When I was a child, the thought of him would have disgusted me, but now, I see things differently. I see his wickedness, and my wickedness surges to the surface. I want to impress him, so I have been learning new dark spells.

Until next time,

Bella.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

It is time. It has been 2 years since I last wrote you. I am now even more different than last we spoke. I am no longer misguided by childhood thoughts. My mother was right to teach me the way she did. Muggles and mudbloods are despicable. They must be wiped from the earth. We must allow ourselves to be always pure, blood must never mix.

I meet with the Dark Lord tomorrow, and I am over the moon. Mother took me shopping this afternoon to buy a new dress to try to impress our Lord. It has a plunging neckline, and a slit up to my hip.

One thing I have learned over the years is how sex is the best way to get anything. The first time I slept with a man, I passed defence against the dark arts, a class I am absolutely horrid at. Since then I have learned how to use sex as a weapon. It may mean that I am not a virgin for my husband, but with a couple of spells, he shall never know. I would hate to lose my most powerful weapon.

Mother has told me how to act with the Dark Lord. I am to only speak when he speaks to me. I am to do whatever he asks of me. I am to only call him 'my Lord'. I think mother wants me to marry him, but I dont know, I still hope to marry for love(even if its a daft child's dream).

Until next time,

Bellatrix.

 **ASDFGHJKLSDFGHJKL**

Dear Diary,

I met him yesterday. I think I am in love. His power is immense and it radiates off of him like an aura. His eyes were like warm chocolate, but they had a hardness to them. His hair was perfect with no sign of receding. For a man a decade older than my father, he looked no older than 20. He asked me the general questions, and asked me to perform the standard spells. I answered and performed all perfectly. After our interview with all death eaters present, he asked me to join him for a private interview.

I was pretty sure I knew what was about to happen, and I was glad I was always prepared. He led me to his bed chambers, where he told me there were things he needed that none of his other death eaters could do for him. He needed a woman to bed, often. But there would be no way for us to marry. In fact, I would be expected to marry another man. But I would forever more be his to do with as he wished.

Even if I disagreed, there was no way for me to voice that. And so, I slept with him. It was the best sex I have ever experienced. I came harder than I thought possible. Once we were done he told me something else that was expected of me; I was to sleep with any of his death eaters who needed a release.

Once again, there was no way to disagree. He sent me to my own chamber, close to his, and told me to freshen up and wait there.

I waited and then the first man came to fuck me. Then another and another. At the end of the night I had been fucked by 10 men.

I went home and instantly retreated to my room. My mother came in a little later and she found me crying. I was being weak and selfish! My mother helped me realize how idiotic I was being. She used crucio on me until I came to my senses and realized that I had been given a great honor.

Mother really does know what's best for me, doesn't she?

Now, Diary, I am almost a grown woman. It is time for me to stop being so foolish. You were a great place for me to work though my issues, thank you.

Bellatrix.

 **ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL**

Diary.

It has been 30 years. Mother really knew what she was doing with me, didn't she? I am loyal to my Lord. I used the first spell mother taught me to torture some blood traitors and I ended up in Azkaban. It was worth it. Also, after all these years I killed the scum of my family. The blood traitor Sirius. He was such a cute baby, but he really grew up to be quite the twat. How could he turn his back on our family? His poor mother was beside herself when he ran away. My mother tried to comfort her to no avail. Luckily Auntie Walburga had little Reggie. Reggie was a good little boy. A proper Black.

Mother passed away while I was locked in my cage. I feel like I was a bird, locked away for years and now I am flying free. The Lord has me back to my proper duties. I fuck all the death eaters and all the new recruits. Its my number one duty. I quite enjoy it. Although, it is going to be awkward when Ickle Draco joins and has to fuck his crazy auntie! Mother got dragon pox and didn't make it through the sickness.

Diary, you were there for me growing up. I thank you for it. But now, I truly am done with you. It is time I finish what my mother started.

Goodbye,

Bellatrix


End file.
